The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +5

Robert De Niro makes a departure from his previous films by acting in AND directing this movie about Italian-American gangsters. It's a heart-warming coming of age tale about a Bronx kid who strikes up a friendship with the local mob boss after seeing him murder someone in the middle of the street. In the end, he learns that his racist dad is actually the slightly better role model. The happy ending is tarnished when the main actor was later arrested (but not convicted!) for murdering a cop.

floydtheater07
Add Your Gist

Best Quote

  • +3
[after Sonny just allows unwanted bikers to drink in his bar]
Satan's Messengers:

You got some brews down here. Nice cold ones. Get us some nice cold brews, come on. Two over here, huh? One more here, one more.

[Sonny takes Calogero outside and talks to him]
Satan's Messengers:

Alright, brothers. If I may. A toast to our host.

[They all salute]
[as they shake their drinks and spray them all over the bar] Satan's Messengers:

In the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost!

[Sonny gets angered by this and confronts them again]
Tony Toupee:

Look at all the shit all over me.

[the bikers curse at him]
Sonny:

Hey!

Satan's Messengers:

Oh, you again.

Sonny:

That wasn't very nice. Now youse gotta leave.

Satan's Messengers:

I'll tell you when the fuck we leave alright. Get the fuck away from me.

[the bikers laugh at Sonny as he walks to the door] Satan's Messengers:

Go watch the bikes eh!

[Sonny locks the front door. All the bikers look and curse at him]
Sonny:

Now youse can't leave.

[narrating] Calogero 'C' Anello:

"I will never forget the look on their faces. All eight of them. Their faces dropped. All their courage and strength was drained right from their bodies. They had reputation for breaking up bars, but they knew that instant, they'd made a fatal mistake. This time they walked into the wrong bar."

[a fight ensues between the bikers and Sonny's gang]
Read More powered by IMDB

A Bronx Tale (1993)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: A father becomes worried when a local gangster befriends his son in the Bronx in the 1960s.

Consensus: A Bronx Tale sets itself apart from other coming-of-age dramas thanks to a solid script, a terrific cast, and director Robert De Niro's sensitive work behind the camera.

Overview
  • Rating:
    R (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    September 14, 1993
  • Budget:
    $22,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $17,266,971
  • Runtime:
    2 hrs 1 min
  • Produced by:
    Robert De Niro Jane Rosenthal Jon Kilik
  • Screenplay by:
    Chazz Palminteri
Director
Robert De Niro
Cast
Lillo Brancato Jr. Calogero 'C' Anello
Chazz Palminteri Sonny LoSpecchio
Robert De Niro Lorenzo Anello
Joe Pesci Carmine
Francis Capra Calogero 'C' Anello
Freebase CC-BY
Source: A Bronx Tale on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. Robert De Niro makes a departure from his previous films by acting in AND directing this movie about Italian-American gangsters. It's a heart-warming coming of age tale about a Bronx kid who strikes up a friendship with the local mob boss after seeing him murder someone in the middle of the street. In the end, he learns that his racist dad is actually the slightly better role model. The happy ending is tarnished when the main actor was later arrested (but not convicted!) for murdering a cop.

    floydtheater07
    • +5

  2. Robert DeNiro is a bus driver. Half way through the movie a guido mobster tells his son "your dad's a bum he drives a bus" to which he does absolutely nothing. Joe pesci shows up at the end when the mobster is dead then end.

    casino16
    • +2
Best Quote
powered by IMDB
  1. 2.
    Sonny:

    Now yous can't leave.

    • 0
  2. 3.
    Sonny:

    Look at me! I did this to you! REMEMBER ME!

    • 0
  3. 4.
    [Anello family eats steak once a week]
    Calogero 'C' Anello:

    I'm not in the mood for steak.

    • 0
  4. 5.
    Angry Black Neighbor #1:

    They started out as white BREAD. Now they're toast!

    • 0
  5. 6.
    [looking at C's burned friends] Angry Black Neighbor #1:

    They started out as white bread now they toast.

    [to C] Angry Black Neighbor #2:

    THEY LOOK BETTER NOW, DON'T THEY LOOK BETTER!

    • 0
See More Quotes

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