The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +32

A colony of ants is collecting food for grasshoppers, when perennial screw-up Flik knocks the whole thing into the water, causing everyone to hate him as usual. Trying to make amends, he goes to find warriors to fight the grasshoppers, but screws up again and returns with clowns. Their plan to scare the grasshoppers away with a fake bird fails when it gets sets it on fire. Flik eventually saves the day with the power of "wait, why the fuck are we taking shit from these grasshoppers anyway?"

thesounddefense
Add Your Gist

Best Quote

  • +16
Boy Ant #1:

My dad says he gives you one hour before you come back to the island crying.

Flik:

Does he now?

Boy Ant #2:

My dad doesn't think that.

Flik:

He doesn't, huh?

Boy Ant #2:

Nah, he's betting you're gonna die.

Read More powered by IMDB

A Bug's Life (1998)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: A misfit ant, looking for "warriors" to save his colony from greedy grasshoppers, recruits a group of bugs that turn out to be an inept circus troupe.

Consensus: A Bug's Life is a clever and enjoyable movie with great animation.

Overview
  • Rating:
    G (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    November 14, 1998
  • Budget:
    $120,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $363,398,565
  • Runtime:
    1 hrs 38 min
  • Produced by:
    Darla K. Anderson John Lasseter
  • Screenplay by:
    Andrew Stanton Don McEnery Bob Shaw
Director
John Lasseter
Andrew Stanton
Cast
Dave Foley Flik
Kevin Spacey Hopper
Julia Louis-Dreyfus Princess Atta
Madeline Kahn Gypsy
Freebase CC-BY
Source: A Bug's Life on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. A colony of ants is collecting food for grasshoppers, when perennial screw-up Flik knocks the whole thing into the water, causing everyone to hate him as usual. Trying to make amends, he goes to find warriors to fight the grasshoppers, but screws up again and returns with clowns. Their plan to scare the grasshoppers away with a fake bird fails when it gets sets it on fire. Flik eventually saves the day with the power of "wait, why the fuck are we taking shit from these grasshoppers anyway?"

    thesounddefense
    • +32

  2. For the first time in recorded history, unemployed carnies make a bad situation BETTER.

    BaconMug
    • +11

  3. Honey I Shrunk The Seven Samurai.

    Groucho2010
    • +7

  4. This group of ants come down with "I'm a little bitch"-itis waiting hand and foot on a bunch of douche grass hoppers, so the only hope they have is flik (the village idiot-savant asperger-riddled...eccentric inventor) gets kicked out of the village for fucking up (yet again) so he makes friends with some carnies and they bullshit the entire village into thinking they are warriors, after some casual fuck-ups they teach the village to stop being a bunch of pussies, and the grasshoppers go away..

    JeansEddy
    • +3

  5. A colony of ants is forced to...holy crap this movie made $360,000,000!!!

    whatmeworry
    • +2
See All 7 Gists
Best Quote
powered by IMDB
  1. 2.
    Flik:

    They can't know the truth! The truth, you see, is bad! I will be branded with this mistake for the rest of my life! My children's children will walk down the street and people will point and say, "Look, there goes the spawn of Flik the Loser"!

    • +4
  2. 3.
    Rosie:

    Okay, come on everyone. Break a leg.

    Flik:

    Whoa! You're vicious!

    • +3
  3. 4.
    Francis:

    Your majesty. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls of all ages. Our troupe here guarentees a performance like no other. Why, when your grasshopper friends get here, we are gonna knock... them... dead!

    [ants cheer]
    Slim:

    Boy, these folks are sure hard up for entertainment.

    • +3
  4. 5.
    P.T. Flea:

    Flaming Death is a huge hit!

    Slim:

    P.T., shhh!

    P.T. Flea:

    I'm serious! Word of mouth got around, the next day there was a line of flies outside the tent, went on forever. It must have been a foot long!

    • +3
  5. 6.
    Cockroach waitress:

    Here you go, slick. Enjoy.

    [takes one bite and his mouth starts to bubble] Slug:

    Ow, Oww! Hey, I said no salt!

    • +3
See More Quotes

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