The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +15

George C. Scott proves that he's the only man with enough mutton chops and gravitas to play everyone's favorite asshole turned lunatic, Ebeneezer Scrooge. The special effects seem like they must have been impressive at the time, but they look a bit dated when viewed next to 1980s PBS specials. There must be a reason why pretentious film student types say this is their favorite version, though. You should probably watch it so there's one less thing your douchey friend can criticize you for.

1977chevy
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A Christmas Carol (1984)

Source: TMBDb.org

Information Not Available
Information Not Available
Overview
  • Rating:
    PG (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    December 17, 1984
  • Budget:
    Not Available
  • Box Office:
    Not Available
  • Runtime:
    1 hrs 40 min
  • Produced by:
  • Screenplay by:
Director
Clive Donner
Cast
Susannah York Mrs. Cratchit
Roger Rees Fred
Frank Finlay Jacob Marley
Edward Woodward Ghost of Christmas Present
George C. Scott Ebenezer Scrooge
Freebase CC-BY
Source: A Christmas Carol on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. George C. Scott proves that he's the only man with enough mutton chops and gravitas to play everyone's favorite asshole turned lunatic, Ebeneezer Scrooge. The special effects seem like they must have been impressive at the time, but they look a bit dated when viewed next to 1980s PBS specials. There must be a reason why pretentious film student types say this is their favorite version, though. You should probably watch it so there's one less thing your douchey friend can criticize you for.

    1977chevy
    • +15

  2. Ebenezer Scrooge is forced to confront the wasted wreck of his life by three kindly spirits, who teach him the true meaning of Christmas by scaring the holy piss out of him. Through the magic of motion capture, they shuttle him through the past, present and future in the classic yuletide manner: nausea-inducing roller-coaster cam. Scrooge emerges from the ordeal a changed man, turning his life around while channeling an aging comedic movie star with a habit of trying too hard.

    robertvaux
    • +2

  3. Elderly dick drinks too much, enters nightmare dream state. Wakes up, still so addled he can't decide whether that shit actually happened. Decides to donate a dead bird to a cripple to confuse possibly angry God.

    ERHENDR
    • +2

  4. An old man, played by someone who is not Michael Caine, is show the error of his ways without the aid of puppets. In the end he learns to value is employee, who isn't played by Kermit and have his life narrated by someone who isn't Rizzo or Gonzo. While this one gets all that critical acclaim most people only know it as the one without the Muppets.

    LadyAnarook
    • +1

  5. Three's Company comes to Scrooge's door. Ebeneezer jumps through his youthful antics and jolly dances with Janet, Jack brings the old boy some good ol' christmas present and the three headed blond monster just can't seem to get that "little black dress" to fit right. While enjoying all these antics Scrooge realizes he was being unrealistically mean and everyone agrees this story could actually happen now. Feel good of the century.

    stagemanager2
    • +1
See All 9 Gists

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