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The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +24

A young military man was murdered, and the blame was put on two Marines. Tom Cruise takes the case as their defense lawyer and travels all over the ass of the Earth, investigating the charges. However, in the now imfamous "You can't handle the truth" scene, it is realized that all the evidence in the world doesn't matter if you know how to piss a man off so badly that he forgets that he's in a court of law and shouts, "I FUCKING DID IT, ASSHOLE! GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

John Cheese
Add Your Gist

Best Quote

  • +7
[Kaffee has just asked why Santiago hadn't packed despite being due to be transferred in a few hours after the time of his death. Jessop smirks] Kaffee:

Is this funny, sir?

Col. Jessep:

No, it isn't. It's tragic.

Kaffee:

Do you have an answer to the question, Colonel?

Col. Jessep:

Absolutely. My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Maybe he was an early riser and liked to pack in the morning. And maybe he didn't have any friends. I'm an educated man, but I'm afraid I can't speak intelligently about the travel habits of William Santiago. What I do know is that he was set to leave the base at 0600. Now, are these the questions I was really called here to answer? Phone calls and foot lockers? Please tell me that you have something more, Lieutenant. These two Marines are on trial for their lives. Please tell me their lawyer hasn't pinned their hopes to a phone bill.

[Kaffee hesitates, dumbfounded]
Col. Jessep:

Do you have any more questions for me, Counselor?

Judge Randolph:

Lt. Kaffee?

[pause]
Judge Randolph:

Lieutenant, do you have anything further for this witness?

[Jessep defiantly gets up to leave the courtroom]
Col. Jessep:

Thanks, Danny. I love Washington.

Kaffee:

Excuse me. I didn't dismiss you.

Col. Jessep:

I beg your pardon?

Kaffee:

I'm not finished with my examination. Sit down.

Col. Jessep:

Colonel!

Kaffee:

What's that?

Col. Jessep:

I would appreciate it if he would address me as Colonel or Sir. I believe I've earned it.

Judge Randolph:

Defense counsel will address the witness as Colonel or Sir.

[to Judge] Col. Jessep:

I don't know what the hell kind of unit you're running here.

Judge Randolph:

And the witness will address this court as Judge or Your Honor. I'm quite certain I've earned it. Take your seat, Colonel.

Read More powered by IMDB

Movie Clips from: A Few Good Men

A Few Good Men (1992)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: Neo military lawyer Kaffee defends Marines accused of murder; they contend they were acting under orders.

Consensus: No consensus yet.

Overview
  • Rating:
    R (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    December 09, 1992
  • Budget:
    $40,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $243,240,178
  • Runtime:
    2 hrs 18 min
  • Produced by:
    Rob Reiner Andrew Scheinman David Brown
  • Screenplay by:
    Aaron Sorkin
Director
Rob Reiner
Cast
J. T. Walsh LtCol. Matthew Markinson
Kevin Pollak LTJG Sam Weinberg
Kiefer Sutherland Lt. Jonathan Kendrick
Demi Moore LCDR JoAnne Galloway
Jack Nicholson Col. Nathan R. Jessep
Freebase CC-BY
Source: A Few Good Men on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. A young military man was murdered, and the blame was put on two Marines. Tom Cruise takes the case as their defense lawyer and travels all over the ass of the Earth, investigating the charges. However, in the now imfamous "You can't handle the truth" scene, it is realized that all the evidence in the world doesn't matter if you know how to piss a man off so badly that he forgets that he's in a court of law and shouts, "I FUCKING DID IT, ASSHOLE! GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

    John Cheese
    • +24

  2. You can't handle this gist.

    Gunmaster45
    • +4

  3. At Guantanamo Bay, a Marine turns out to be not very good at being a Marine. Rather than kicking the guy out, Lt. Kiefer Sutherland and Col. Jack Nicholson send two guys to give him the Pvt. Pyle treatment from Full Metal Jacket. After he dies Tom Cruise, Kevin Pollack and Demi Moore must keep Kevin Bacon from sending them to Leavenworth. In the end Maverick baits Jack Torrence into admitting he ordered Jack Bauer to have the defendants give the dead guy a Code Red. (Note: Not a red Mt. Dew.)

    Anynobody
    • +3

  4. A guilty man confesses on the stand while yelling at the top of his lungs. This is basically every episode of Matlock, except with a major anger management problem added in. (Thankfully Adam Sandler was not included.)

    NoMaAutr
    • +2

  5. Apparently in the Marines, if you just can't keep up with others, it is perfectly fine for someone to use a Code Red on this person. Though Code Red isn't a military term in any books Tom Cruise reads out in court, neither is how to get to the chow area. So when two Marines follow an order, that technically wasn't an order, and the young, not so good at anything Marine dies, it is up to Tom Cruise to tear Jack Nicholson apart in the courtroom by demanding the truth nobody could handle.

    DonettaSifford
    • +1
See All 10 Gists
Best Quote
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  1. 2.
    [Judge dismisses the jury after Jessep's revelation on the stand about the Code Red] Col. Jessep:

    What is this? What's going on? I did my job, I'd do it again!

    [stands up defiantly]
    Col. Jessep:

    I'm gonna get on a plane and go on back to my base.

    Judge Randolph:

    You're not going anywhere, Colonel. MP's... guard the Colonel!

    [MPs take post]
    Judge Randolph:

    Captain Ross?

    Col. Jessep:

    What the hell is this?

    Capt. Ross:

    Colonel Jessep, you have the right to remain silent. Any statement you make...

    Col. Jessep:

    I'm being charged with a crime? Is that what this is? I'm being charged with a crime? This is funny. That's what this is. This is...

    [turning to Kaffee and lunging at him]
    Col. Jessep:

    ... I'm gonna rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull! You fucked with the wrong Marine!

    Capt. Ross:

    Colonel Jessep! Do you understand these rights as I have just read them to you?

    [contemptuously] Col. Jessep:

    You fuckin' people... you have no idea how to defend a nation. All you did was weaken a country today, Kaffee. That's all you did. You put people's lives in danger. Sweet dreams, son.

    Kaffee:

    Don't call me son. I'm a lawyer, and an officer in the United States Navy, and you're under arrest you son of a bitch.

    [glares at Jessep]
    Kaffee:

    The witness is excused.

    • +2
  2. 3.
    Kaffee:

    I want the truth!

    [shouts] Col. Jessep:

    You can't handle the truth!

    • +2
  3. 4.
    Kaffee:

    Alright, let's get two.

    Lt. Sherby:

    Sorry!

    Kaffee:

    Nothing to be sorry about, Sherby, you just look the ball into your glove. Let's try it again. Shootin' two!

    Lt. Sherby:

    Sorry!

    Kaffee:

    Sherby, you gotta trust me, you keep your eyes open and your chances of catching ball increase by a factor of 10.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    Kaffee.

    Kaffee:

    Let's try it again.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    Kaffee!

    Kaffee:

    Dave you seem distraught.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    We were supposed to meet in your office 15 minutes ago to talk about the McDermont case. You're stalling on this one. We get this done right now, or I mean it, Kaffee, I'm going to hang your boy from a fuckin' yardarm!

    Kaffee:

    Yardarm? Sherby, does the Navy still hang people from Yardarms?

    Lt. Sherby:

    I don't think so.

    Kaffee:

    Dave, Sherby doesn't think the Navy hangs people yardarms anymore.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    I'm going to charge him with possession and being under the influence while on duty. You plead guilty I recommend 30 days in the brig with loss of rank and pay.

    Kaffee:

    It was oregano, Dave. It was 10 dollars worth of oregano.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    Yeah, but your client thought it was marijuana.

    Kaffee:

    My client's a moron that's not against the law.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    Kaffee, I have people to answer to just like you do. I'm going to charge him.

    Kaffee:

    With what? Possession of a condiment?

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    Kaffee...

    Kaffee:

    Look, Dave, I tried to help you out of this but if you ask for jail time I'm going to file a motion to dismiss.

    Kaffee:

    You won't get it.

    Kaffee:

    I will get it. And if the MTD is denied I'll file a motion in limine seeking an evidentary ruling in advance and then I'm going to file against pretrial confinement and you're going to spend the next three months going blind on paperwork because a Signalman Second Class bought and smoked a dime bag of oregano.

    Lieutenant Dave Spradling:

    B misdemeanor 20 days in the brig.

    Kaffee:

    C misdemeanor 15 days restricted duty.

    • +1
  4. 5.
    Kaffee:

    Maybe, if we work at it, we can get Dawson charged with the Kennedy assassination.

    • +1
  5. 6.
    Kaffee:

    And don't wear that perfume in court, it wrecks my concentration.

    Galloway:

    Really.

    Kaffee:

    I was talking to Sam.

    • +1
See More Quotes

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