The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +8

After he wipes the floor with two bad hats trying to rob his restaurant, family guy Tom Stall attracts the attention of scar-faced gangster Carl Fogarty, who identifies Stall as a hated mobster named Joey Cusak. Luckily, Fogarty can't shoot straight as he only has one eye and wears sunglasses, so he ends up dead with lots of his goons. Tom's wife demonstrates how upset the escalating violence and revelations about her husband's identity have made her by having really good sex with her husband, who is then in good shape to slaughter everyone else on the cast list.

grahamrix
Add Your Gist

A History of Violence (2005)

Source: TMBDb.org

Information Not Available
Information Not Available
Overview
  • Rating:
    R (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    May 16, 2005
  • Budget:
    $32,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $60,334,064
  • Runtime:
    1 hrs 36 min
  • Produced by:
    Chris Bender J.C. Spink Kent Alterman
  • Screenplay by:
    Josh Olson
Director
David Cronenberg
Cast
Viggo Mortensen Tom Stall
Maria Bello Edie Stall
Ed Harris Carl Fogarty
William Hurt Richie Cusack
Ashton Holmes Jack Stall
Freebase CC-BY
Source: A History of Violence on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left
  1. After he wipes the floor with two bad hats trying to rob his restaurant, family guy Tom Stall attracts the attention of scar-faced gangster Carl Fogarty, who identifies Stall as a hated mobster named Joey Cusak. Luckily, Fogarty can't shoot straight as he only has one eye and wears sunglasses, so he ends up dead with lots of his goons. Tom's wife demonstrates how upset the escalating violence and revelations about her husband's identity have made her by having really good sex with her husband, who is then in good shape to slaughter everyone else on the cast list.

    grahamrix
    • +8
  2. Viggo Mortensen turns out not to be such a nice country guy after all, which surprises his wife Maria Bello, even though their 69ing isn't really a "small town America" position. Viggo has to kill every skeleton in his closet, including Ed Harris and William Hurt, who got an Oscar nod for being in a single scene in which he gives a speech about wanting to strangle a baby while doing a Philly accent.

    HobbesMkii
    • +2
  3. Shit gets real when Aragorn's past comes back to haunt him, and he decides to kill everyone, using the most realistic tactics and effects. Ed Harris co-stars in his creepiest role with only the use of one eye. And depending on how you feel about William hurt, you may love the ending.

    CLTorres
    • +2
  4. This film starts the trend of combining Ultra Violence, dodgy accents and viggo Mortensen's bare ass. Despite, or maybe because of that this film is actually pretty epic and well worth a look.

    Lemington
    • 0

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