The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +8

Robert Englund stars as original Freddy Krueger, a skinless freak with a knife-clawed glove. All of the kids on Elm Street are stupid enough to fall asleep, and once they do, Freddy chases them through their dreams spouting puns and trying to slash them up. It's all pretty fun, though the acting is so campy and overdone by a number of characters (including Nancy herself) that it's hard not to laugh also. The series became even more absurd later on, but the first one is better than it should be.

Kamikaze Phoenix
Add Your Gist

Best Quote

  • +3
[Freddy wears Tina mask]
Tina Gray:

Nancy, help me, please. Save me from...

[Removes mask]
Fred Krueger:

Freddy!

Read More powered by IMDB

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: In the dreams of his victims, a spectral child murderer stalks the children of the members of the lynch mob that killed him.

Information Not Available
Overview
  • Rating:
    R (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    November 09, 1984
  • Budget:
    $1,800,000
  • Box Office:
    $25,504,513
  • Runtime:
    1 hrs 31 min
  • Produced by:
    Robert Shaye
  • Screenplay by:
    Wes Craven
Director
Wes Craven
Cast
John Saxon Donald Thompson
Ronee Blakley Marge Thompson
Heather Langenkamp Nancy Thompson
Amanda Wyss Tina Grey
Jsu Garcia Rod Lane
Freebase CC-BY
Source: A Nightmare on Elm Street on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. Robert Englund stars as original Freddy Krueger, a skinless freak with a knife-clawed glove. All of the kids on Elm Street are stupid enough to fall asleep, and once they do, Freddy chases them through their dreams spouting puns and trying to slash them up. It's all pretty fun, though the acting is so campy and overdone by a number of characters (including Nancy herself) that it's hard not to laugh also. The series became even more absurd later on, but the first one is better than it should be.

    Kamikaze Phoenix
    • +8

  2. Various teenagers, including a young Johnny Depp, keep dying in their sleep. The female protagonist discovers that her mother may have burned a serial killer alive in his shed and then kept his murder weapon of choice as a trophy. Said serial killer is now killing the now teenage children in their nightmares. Why? Because he has a fedora, that's why.

    sunglasses
    • +5

  3. Teenagers are beset by nightmares about a murderous old man, because All Adults Are Assholes. Parents insist there's a rational explanation besides "remember the time we burned that dude to death?", because see above.

    homage
    • +3
Best Quote
powered by IMDB
  1. 2.
    [to Nancy] Marge:

    He's dead, honey, because Mommy killed him.

    [Reveals Freddy's glove]
    Marge:

    I even took his knives. So it's okay now.

    [Puts her hands on Nancy's knees]
    Marge:

    You can sleep.

    • +2
  2. 3.
    Marge:

    Nancy, you are going to get some sleep tonight if it kills me.

    • +1
  3. 4.
    Children:

    One, two, Freddy's coming for you. / Three, four, better lock your door. / Five, six, grab your crucifix. / Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. / Nine, ten, never sleep again.

    • +1
  4. 5.
    Rod Lane:

    I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina... Had your name written all over it.

    Tina Gray:

    There's four letters in my name, Rod. How can there be enough room on your joint for four letters?

    [laughter]
    Rod Lane:

    Hey, up yours with a twirling lawnmower!

    • +1
  5. 6.
    Donald:

    What was she doing there?

    Marge:

    Hello to you, too, Donald.

    [sarcastically] Donald:

    Marge.

    • 0
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