The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +80

Aliens attack major cities around the world, focusing mostly on strategically unimportant landmarks like the Empire State Building. In a bold counter, the President launches a nuclear attack on Houston, the head quarters of the oil industry and the planet’s most advanced space program. Fortunately, it’s 1996 so computers are still magic, and America kills the aliens with a mac laptop.

Jack OBrien
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Best Quote

  • +17
[after crashing the alien spaceship by the Grand Canyon] Captain Steven Hiller:

*That's* what you get! Ha Ha! Look at you! Ya ship's all banged up!

[shouts]
Captain Steven Hiller:

Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man? Wait till I get another plane! I'm a line ya friends up right beside you! Where ya at, huh? Where ya at?

[Hiller opens the spaceship, the alien screams, Hiller smacks him in the head]
[beat] Captain Steven Hiller:

Welcome to earth.

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Movie Clips from: Independence Day

Independence Day (1996)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: The aliens are coming and their goal is to invade and destroy. Fighting superior technology, Man's best weapon is the will to survive.

Consensus: The plot is thin and so is character development, but as a thrilling, spectacle-filled summer movie, Independence Day delivers.

Overview
  • Rating:
    PG-13 (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    June 25, 1996
  • Budget:
    $75,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $816,969,268
  • Runtime:
    2 hrs 25 min
  • Produced by:
    Dean Devlin
  • Screenplay by:
    Roland Emmerich Dean Devlin
Director
Roland Emmerich
Cast
Jeff Goldblum David Levinson
Will Smith Captain Steven "Steve" Hiller, USMC
Bill Pullman President Thomas J. Whitmore
Margaret Colin Constance Spano
Vivica A. Fox Jasmine Dubrow
Freebase CC-BY
Source: Independence Day on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. Aliens attack major cities around the world, focusing mostly on strategically unimportant landmarks like the Empire State Building. In a bold counter, the President launches a nuclear attack on Houston, the head quarters of the oil industry and the planet’s most advanced space program. Fortunately, it’s 1996 so computers are still magic, and America kills the aliens with a mac laptop.

    Jack OBrien
    • +80

  2. Will Smith welcomes aliens to Earf, Jeff Goldblum plays Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman is president (somehow), and an invasion by a super-advanced species is stopped by a computer virus and a drunk Randy Quaid.

    EzioAuditorre
    • +12

  3. Bill Pullman, Bill Paxton, whatever, is the President and he impotently fights aliens along with Will Smith. If not for an insane redneck and Apple Computers, the Earth would have been destroyed. Also starring a prostitute and a clogged tunnel.

    LaughingTarget
    • +8

  4. Will Smith gets all diggity-dog on some Cthulu-esque aliens that have an aversion to mac-books. Jeff Goldbug's Character from Jurassic Park is there boasting the claim that he has defeated both dinosaurs and aliens. Bill Pullman stars as the President of the United States and convinces the entire world to celebrate July 4th because no one cares about when anyone else was 'liberated' or whatever. America congratulates itself by sending the vast majority of its air-force to do sky twirls; they crash into the Mothership. I think the guy who played Alf ends up winning.

    MatthewScott
    • +6

  5. Alien scout ship crashes at Roswell in 1947 and is taken to the yet to be built place known as Area 51. They return in 1986 for Randy Quaid before coming back again ten years later for their hostile takeover. President Lone Starr sends Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Dr. Ian Malcom to the mothership, in the 1947 jalopy which Data fixed. Failing to catalog their scouts, a reliance on mac compatible software and Randy Quaid are the reasons humanity is able to stop this race of space locusts.

    Anynobody
    • +5
See All 23 Gists
Best Quote
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  1. 2.
    David Levinson:

    You really think you can fly that thing?

    Captain Steven Hiller:

    You really think you can do all that bullshit you just said?

    • +5
  2. 3.
    Russel Casse:

    I picked a hell of a day to quit drinkin'.

    • +3
  3. 4.
    Captain Steven Hiller:

    I ain't heard no fat lady!

    David Levinson:

    Forget the fat lady. You're obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!

    • +2
  4. 5.
    Captain Steven Hiller:

    THAT'S RIGHT! Thats what you get! Look at you, ship all banged up! WHO'S THE MAN? HUH? WHO'S THE MAN? Wait until I get another plane! I am going to lower your friends RIGHT BESIDE YOU!

    • +2
  5. 6.
    [Connie left David to pursue a career]
    Constance:

    Haven't you ever wanted to be part of something special?

    David Levinson:

    I was part of something special

    • 0
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