The #1 Cracked Gist

What is this?

What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +148

Heath Ledger stars as the Joker, pulling off the improbable task of making Jack Nicholson's 1989 effort look like an episode of Bozo washes his dick. The iconic Batman villain pulls off the kind of elaborate feats of terrorism that Bin Laden probably imagines when he masturbates, and he manages to do it all on a budget of whatever was left after he burned a fucking mountain of his own cash to make a Goddamn point. Meanwhile, Batman chooses to rescue some dude instead of his extra hot girlfriend.

1977chevy
Add Your Gist

Best Quote

  • +73
Alfred Pennyworth:

A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.

Bruce Wayne:

Then why steal them?

Alfred Pennyworth:

Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Read More powered by IMDB

Movie Clips from: The Dark Knight

The Dark Knight (2008)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: Batman, Gordon and Harvey Dent are forced to deal with the chaos unleashed by an anarchist mastermind known only as the Joker, as he drives each of them to their limits.

Consensus: Dark, complex and unforgettable, The Dark Knight succeeds not just as an entertaining comic book film, but as a richly thrilling crime saga.

Overview
  • Rating:
    PG-13 (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    July 16, 2008
  • Budget:
    $185,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $1,001,921,825
  • Runtime:
    2 hrs 32 min
  • Produced by:
    Charles Roven Michael Uslan Christopher Nolan Emma Thomas Benjamin Melniker
  • Screenplay by:
    Christopher Nolan Bob Kane Jonathan Nolan
Director
Christopher Nolan
Cast
Michael Caine Alfred Pennyworth
Gary Oldman James Gordon
Aaron Eckhart Harvey Dent
Christian Bale Batman
Heath Ledger Joker
Freebase CC-BY
Source: The Dark Knight on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. Heath Ledger stars as the Joker, pulling off the improbable task of making Jack Nicholson's 1989 effort look like an episode of Bozo washes his dick. The iconic Batman villain pulls off the kind of elaborate feats of terrorism that Bin Laden probably imagines when he masturbates, and he manages to do it all on a budget of whatever was left after he burned a fucking mountain of his own cash to make a Goddamn point. Meanwhile, Batman chooses to rescue some dude instead of his extra hot girlfriend.

    1977chevy
    • +148

  2. The Joker kills Batman's girlfriend, turns Harvey Dent into a supervillain, blows up a hospital, rigs two massive boats with explosives, intentionally gets arrested, breaks out of jail, robs every bank in town and successfully wipes out every major crime syndicate in Gotham, all while acting as an "agent of chaos" and in no way having an actual plan. Eventually Harvey Dent dies and Batman accepts responsibility for it even though blaming literally anyone else would have been a better plan.

    daniel.
    • +73

  3. After a magic trick gone wrong, the joker sets out on an epic journey to make a phone call. After many years or hours of searching, he finally convinces a friendly police officer to lend him a phone, but as luck would have it, just as the Joker was about to be connected, he was interrupted by a large explosion. Clearly disoriented and scared, the Joker seeks the nearest hospital, but anything goes in this wacky slapstick adventure and the explosions aren't done yet! Also there is batman.

    sgt.salt
    • +38

  4. Batman thinks about retiring. Harvey Dent and Bruce Wayne lose their girlfriend. (She was a timeshare) Sonar gets an upgrade. Morgan freeman does not approve. Heath Ledger makes a pencil disappear. Like a Boss.

    TehD4rkknight
    • +14

  5. Batman learns that there are big boy consequences to being the head vigilante in a town inexplicably full of criminals. Consequences like "public trust" and "accountability." Also, The Joker runs around being insane & setting his foundation as Batman's archnemesis. Towards the end of things Batman finds himself in a menage a trois between himself as Gotham's Dark Knight, Harvey Dent as Gotham's White Knight, and The Joker as somehow something between. Harvey eventually succumbs to Joker's half-assed logic, becomes Batman's shortest living supervillain, and dies before becoming the least bit relevant. And somehow there's no batcave...

    -liam.
    • +6
See All 22 Gists
Best Quote
powered by IMDB
  1. 2.
    The Joker:

    It's a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, do you know how I got these scars?

    Batman:

    No! But I know how you got these!

    • +7
  2. 3.
    Bruce Wayne:

    Targeting me won't get their money back. I knew the mob wouldn't go down without a fight, but this is different. They crossed the line.

    Alfred Pennyworth:

    You crossed the line first, sir. You squeezed them, you hammered them to the point of desperation. And in their desperation they turned to a man they didn't fully understand.

    Bruce Wayne:

    Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.

    Alfred Pennyworth:

    With respect, sir, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand.

    • +4
  3. 4.
    [Lau announces that he's removed all the mob's cash from their banks before the police raid, and stashed them in a secure location]
    Lau:

    Now, obviously, no one except me can know the location for now. But rest assured, your money is safe.

    [From outside comes the sound of loud, fake laughter. The mob bosses turn and see the Joker enter]
    The Joker:

    And I thought my jokes were bad.

    • +3
  4. 5.
    The Joker:

    You know, I'll settle for his loved ones.

    Gentleman at Party:

    We're not intimidated by thugs!

    [as he smacks his lips] The Joker:

    You know, you remind me of my father.

    [the Joker pulls out his switchblade and brings it to the Gentleman's mouth]
    The Joker:

    I hated my father!

    [off-screen] Rachel Dawes:

    Okay, stop!

    [turns to face Rachel, tosses the Gentleman to his thugs and approaches Rachel, adjusting his hair with the knife]
    The Joker:

    Well, hello, beautiful. You must be Harvey's squeeze, hm? And you *are* beautiful.

    [the Joker hovers around the incredibly nervous Rachel]
    The Joker:

    Well, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?

    [He grabs Rachel's head and positions the knife by her mouth]
    The Joker:

    Come here. Hey! Look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful, like you, who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I ought to smile more. Who gambles and gets in deep with the sharks... Look at me! One day, they carve her face. And we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, hm? I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars. So... I stick a razor in my mouth and do this...

    [the Joker mimics slicing his mouth open with his tongue]
    The Joker:

    ...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!

    [Rachel knees the Joker in the groin; he merely laughs it off]
    The Joker:

    A little fight in you. I like that.

    [off-screen] Batman:

    Then you're going to love me.

    [attacks him]
    • +3
  5. 6.
    [to The Joker] Batman:

    You wanted me, here I am.

    • +2
See More Quotes

More Movies

Elsewhere ...