The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +47

Thor and his friends: fat viking, asian viking, breasts viking, metrosexual viking, and Loki go try and recreate Leeroy Jenkins video with frost giants. Thor gets kicked out of CGI world for pulling too much aggro. Eventually Thor learns that he can't solve all of his problems by wrecking them with a hammer, only to solve the plot by then... wrecking something with a hammer. Also features Hiemdal, the gate guardian who lets none pass... except every single person in the movie who wants to pass.

Turdgrass
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Best Quote

  • +12
[from trailer]
[staring at Thor] Darcy:

You know, for a crazy homeless person... he's pretty cut.

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Movie Clips from: Thor

Thor (2011)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: The powerful but arrogant warrior Thor is cast out of the fantastic realm of Asgard and sent to live amongst humans on Earth, where he soon becomes one of their finest defenders.

Information Not Available
Overview
  • Rating:
    PG-13 (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    May 06, 2011
  • Budget:
    $150,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $444,115,007
  • Runtime:
    1 hrs 54 min
  • Produced by:
    Kevin Feige Kevin Feige
  • Screenplay by:
    Zack Stentz Don Payne Zack Stentz Ashley Edward Miller
Director
Kenneth Branagh
Cast
Chris Hemsworth Thor
Stellan Skarsgård Professor Andrews
Tom Hiddleston Loki
Colm Feore Ymir
Natalie Portman Jane Foster
Freebase CC-BY
Source: Thor on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. Thor and his friends: fat viking, asian viking, breasts viking, metrosexual viking, and Loki go try and recreate Leeroy Jenkins video with frost giants. Thor gets kicked out of CGI world for pulling too much aggro. Eventually Thor learns that he can't solve all of his problems by wrecking them with a hammer, only to solve the plot by then... wrecking something with a hammer. Also features Hiemdal, the gate guardian who lets none pass... except every single person in the movie who wants to pass.

    Turdgrass
    • +47

  2. God of Thunder Thor is banished to the mortal plane by his father Odin. There, he seeks the help of a waif-like astrophysicist to recover his mighty hammer and smite the rodent-like Washington spooks dogging his trail. Back at home, Dad falls into a coma, and Thor's sneaky stepbrother Loki steps in to claim the throne. Thor returns to bash Loki after learning some very important lessons, such as don't break the Rainbow Bridge in half if you ever want to see your Earth-bound girlfriend again.

    robertvaux
    • +1

  3. After reigniting an eons old war between Asgardians and Ice Giants, Thor the God of Thunder is banished to Earth. On Earth, Thor must redeem himself to regain his powers and return to Asgard by learning what it means to be a true hero. He is found by astronomers whose minds are blown when they discover him and learn how those old Norse myths are actually true. Hawkeye makes a short cameo in this film which is another step towards The Avengers, a massive project currently underway by Marvel.

    Shoggoth8852
    • +1

  4. Thor is a Norse God (read: alien) with an axe (read: hammer) to grind with some Frost Giants. Banished to earth for plot purposes, he manages to charm/jumpkick everyone he meets while drawing the attention of SHIELD. He learns his lesson just in time to save his friends and returns to his throne and discovers its all a plot by his frost giant brother (it makes sense in context). He then pines longingly for an earth girl he knew for about 3 hours. Fun Times.

    qwertpoi
    • +1

  5. Thor is sent to Earth for not being worthy of his hammer, and by hammer we mean penis. He finds that on Earth, he can't even lift his hammer, and because of this, falls in love with the chick from the Black Swan. Earth is about to be destroyed by Thor's douchey step-brother, until he is suddenly worthy of his penis, err hammer, and saves the day.

    RMThompson
    • +1
See All 9 Gists
Best Quote
powered by IMDB
  1. 2.
    [from trailer]
    [Thor approaches Mjolnir]
    Odin:

    Whoever wields this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.

    • +2
  2. 3.
    [from trailer]
    [staring at a moving suit of armour] Agent Cale:

    Is that one of Stark's?

    Agent Phil Coulson:

    I don't know. That guy never tells me anything...

    [takes a megaphone]
    Agent Phil Coulson:

    Hello! You are in possession of unauthorized weapons technology. Identify yourself.

    [the Destroyer attacks]
    • +2
  3. 4.
    [from trailer]
    Jane Foster:

    Describe exactly what happened to you last night.

    Thor:

    Your ancestors called it magic...

    [Thor skims through a book on Norse mythology]
    Thor:

    ...but you call it science. I come from a land where they are one and the same.

    • +1
  4. 5.
    [from trailer]
    Odin:

    You are unworthy of your title, and I'll take from you your power! In the name of my father, and his father before him, I cast you out!

    • 0
  5. 6.
    [from trailer]
    Sif:

    Asgard is in danger!

    • 0
See More Quotes

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