The #1 Cracked Gist

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What is the Cracked Gist?

The focus of each Cheat Sheet is called The Gist. Think of the concise humor of the Craptions section crossed with our Pop Culture articles. Your goal here is to summarize everything anyone needs to know about the subject of your cheat sheet in one hilarious paragraph (500 character limit).

A few things to keep in mind:

  1. Don’t feel the need to rip every movie that you write a gist for. It’s perfectly fine to have a positive, passionate opinion about a film. OR: You don't have to love the movie, but you don't have to hate it either. Being negative does not mean you are being funny. We are never dismissive in our pop-culture articles.
  2. Focus on contributing to movies you have seen, and thought about.
  3. Avoid using the first joke that pops into your head. We're not looking for you to summarize the jokes other people would make. We're looking for you to make interesting and unique observations about the subject you're summarizing.
  4. Try to keep swearing to a minimum. Sometimes, well-placed profanity can help a joke land. Most of the time, a swear word makes your joke feel forced.
  5. There's no one correct way to write a Gist. If you can summarize everything we need to know about the movie in 10 words, that can be funny. It can also come off as glib. If you're having a tough time figuring out how to strike that balance, go to the movie section of Cracked, and study up.

Here are some samples that should give you a good idea of the wide variety of Gists that can work:
The Dark Knight
Independence Day

  • +17

In an alternate 1985, the Cold War never ended, superheroes exist (although they're outlawed and crazy), and worst of all, Nixon is still president. Three superheroes reunite to investigate the murder of one of their own, which leads them to their former partner, Ozymandias, supposedly the smartest man in the world, even though his computer password is the title of a book he keeps next to it. On the other hand, he's smart enough to explain his plan -- killing millions of people to achieve world peace -- only after it's too late to stop it.

jenniferreynolds
Add Your Gist

Best Quote

  • +11
Adrian Veidt:

It doesn't take a genius to see that the world has problems.

Edward Blake:

No, but it takes a room full of morons to think they're small enough for you to handle.

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Movie Clips from: Watchmen

Watchmen (2009)

Source: TMBDb.org

Consensus: In an alternate 1985 where former superheroes exist, the murder of a colleague sends active vigilante Rorschach into his own sprawling investigation, uncovering something that could completely change the course of history as we know it.

Consensus: Gritty and visually striking, Watchmen is a faithful adaptation of Alan Moore's graphic novel, but its complex narrative structure may make it difficult for it to appeal to vi ...

Overview
  • Rating:
    R (USA)
  • Theatrical Release:
    February 23, 2009
  • Budget:
    $130,000,000
  • Box Office:
    $182,735,282
  • Runtime:
    2 hrs 42 min
  • Produced by:
    Lawrence Gordon Lloyd Levin Deborah Snyder
  • Screenplay by:
    David Hayter
Director
Zack Snyder
Cast
Stephen McHattie Nite-Owl
Jeffrey Dean Morgan Comedian
Billy Crudup Doctor Manhattan
Carla Gugino Sally Jupiter
Matthew Goode Ozymandias
Freebase CC-BY
Source: Watchmen on Freebase, licensed under CC-BY
Cracked Gists
500 characters left

  1. In an alternate 1985, the Cold War never ended, superheroes exist (although they're outlawed and crazy), and worst of all, Nixon is still president. Three superheroes reunite to investigate the murder of one of their own, which leads them to their former partner, Ozymandias, supposedly the smartest man in the world, even though his computer password is the title of a book he keeps next to it. On the other hand, he's smart enough to explain his plan -- killing millions of people to achieve world peace -- only after it's too late to stop it.

    jenniferreynolds
    • +17

  2. The first and, probably, only movie based on an Alan Moore work that doesn't completely butcher the source material, Watchmen is an epic ode to the superhero, a thoughtful and complicated look at the reality of vigilante justice in a world on the brink of destruction. Plus, there's something every few hours to wake up people expecting an X-Men rip off, who couldn't follow the plot: Boobs, extreme violence, a hilarious blue penis, and Freddy Kruger killing a little person with a toilet.

    Johnnyshafto
    • +4

  3. Zack Snyder does his thing all over Alan Moore's magnum opus, propped up by some largely excellent casting and Jackie Earle Haley should have won an Oscar. Malin Ackerman can't act, but she will do nudity. Meanwhile, some key bits of plot are changed to make the film more "cinematic" leading to the biggest fan boy brouhaha you've ever seen over whether the film is as terrible as the Spirit or the single greatest superhero movie ever made.

    HobbesMkii
    • +4

  4. The action in Watchmen really makes up for all of the boring parts. In fact it's a pretty good movie if you know three things before seeing it: 1) it's not really a superhero movie 2) It's too long. 3) there is a blue penis in it, often.

    Gbailey1251
    • -3

  5. A movie adaptation of Alan Moore's dystopian superhero masterpiece starring Jackie Earle Haley, Stephen McHattie, Carla Gugino, Matthew Goode and Billy Crudup's digitally enhanced, blue penis.

    DarkLordCthulhu
    • -3
See All 6 Gists
Best Quote
powered by IMDB
  1. 2.
    Rorschach:

    None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with *ME*!

    • +5
  2. 3.
    Rorschach:

    Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. That's always been the difference between us, Daniel.

    • +1
  3. 4.
    Edward Blake:

    God damn I love working on American soil, Dan. Ain't had this much fun since Woodward and Bernstein.

    Dan Dreiberg:

    How long can we keep this up?

    Edward Blake:

    Congress is pushing through some new bill that's gonna outlaw masks. Our days are numbered. Till then it's like you always say, we're society's only protection.

    Dan Dreiberg:

    From what?

    Edward Blake:

    You kidding me? From themselves.

    • +1
  4. 5.
    [on her daughter, Laurie] Sally Jupiter:

    She blames me for her career, but what else would she have been? A housewife?

    • 0
  5. 6.
    [Laurie and Dan are breaking Rorschach out of prison]
    Rorschach:

    Need to visit men's room.

    Laurie Juspeczyk:

    Oh, Christ!

    • 0
See More Quotes

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